I find myself, at 63, to be both retired and single. Neither were completely by choice, but here I am.

My name is Katherine, and I’m a competent, mostly fit, fun female with a nice life in Dallas Texas and a healthy number of friends. But this world is new, and I am consistently debating with myself exactly how to feel and what to do with this altered life.

Let’s start with why I’m single. I was married for a bit, and then in an 11-year relationship until about two years ago. My recent ex is a nice guy, and we still occasionally meet for lunch. I know that he is dating someone because he sort of let it slip the last time I saw him; I’m not angry about that, but somehow I feel like we were a team and thus it isn’t quite right. I try hard not to dwell on the past, but sometimes it comes roaring to the surface and makes me varying degrees of sad.

I tried online dating for a minute but it was a beating. Nerve-wracking and also really depressing. There was only one guy that I really liked, and he didn’t like me back so there you go.

As for why I’m retired, that is a bit more complicated. My sister and I worked together, running an increasingly successful small business. Just before Covid hit, her husband was retired by his company so they packed up and moved to Austin to be near the kids and grandkids. While I completely understood this, I was not prepared for her to stop working completely and suddenly. It took me a while to realize that I couldn’t run the business without her (there were too many things that she did that are not in my wheelhouse), but instantly I realized that I lost my best friend. We had spent 40+ hours a week together for about 20 years so the impact was deep; I was extremely lonely for her, both personally and professionally. Eventually (with the help of therapy), I realized that I didn’t WANT to continue the business without her…..being together and conquering the world as a team was the mainstay of my enjoyment in what we did. So *POOF*, into retirement I went.

I had to figure out whether I could pull it off financially, which is honestly still a question mark but I think it’s going to be okay.

Soooo……here I am. I never know what day of the week it is, because they are all the same. Other than the fact that it is much less crowded to do certain errands during the week rather than the weekends. Plus, I mess up my calendar all the time, showing up early for meet-ups, etc. When I was working, I checked my calendar several times per day, but now I rarely look at it- A thing I’m trying to fix.

I am so much less efficient. It is true when they say “If you want something done, ask a busy person”! I used to be a machine, knocking down tasks like bowling pins. Now I piddle so much more.

I have a lot to say about the thought processes and adjustments – both of being single and of being retired, which I will save for future entries.